Hello friends,

I have been a bit of an absentee blogger the last few weeks. My last post was over two weeks ago as I was headed south to my beach week on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I had just been sorted into Slytherin by the Pottermore website. My identity has recovered from that reality giving smack across the face. I have come to realize that most of my evils lie in my inability to, in fact, lie.

Fundamentally most people are full of shit, I think. I really need to hone these skills. Do you ever sit in a meeting and think – I just do not give a flying fuck about this discussion? So do I. The energy taken to keep these feelings from showing on my face is grueling. Utterly exhausting. Everyone else has a normal face on. Why can’t I bullshit up a better face?

There is a gentleman at work. I care for him dearly in the most platonic sense possible, but our world views are on the opposite sides of the universe. In this case I can usually be very tight lipped (at work and all). Unfortunately he cannot. With utmost confidence I can say that I am right about everything and he is terribly wrong. But I simply lack the ability to shut my mouth about it. I let him push me to my limit and it doesn’t take very long. Then I call bullshit on him. Loudly. Why can’t I just smile and nod like other people.

This morning I was sitting with a friend while a child nearby threw a full blow tantrum. Nothing out of the ordinary, just the usual atomic level explosion that is typical to a child of a certain age. There are two ways that can go. Daddy can earn my respect by removing said child from my dining vicinity while it blows over or Daddy can OFFER A FUCKING LOLLIPOP! My lovely friend simply says, “Poor thing.” “Asshole,” I say simply. Who is right?

Twitter has been a great release for me. There is no need for restraint on Twitter. It is pure, unadulterated, mouthy freedom. Follow if you don’t @ThePaigeRandall.

While I’m at it, I have to say something to all of those millions of young girls on Twitter who believe the following to be true:  1 – Adulthood sucks.  2 – True love is the goal of all living.  3 – I am nothing more than a vessel for sex.  These are fallacies, not truths.

I just walked into a bar where I worked many years ago. The uniform consisted of a low cut top and a skirt with a very high slit.  I basically looked like a prostitute. I spent endless evenings with men thinking they were buying the right to get handsy and worrying about finding my one true love. I would not go back to those miserable days for any amount of money on the planet!  Girls, know this:  Youth is over rated.  True love is the icing, not the cake and there will be a lot of icing on a lot of cakes. Be more than your sexuality. Be interesting. Be intelligent. Be funny. Selling yourself short is the worst mistake you can make.

Grow up, understand your potential, become confident, make no damn apologies, be as mouthy as you want. And move the fuck on.